Toosday

An old lady was sweeping leaves in the park near our apartment, and her straw hat was blown off by the wind into the grass by the river in the middle of the park. The river has steep grassy banks on both sides, and it has railings to prevent people from falling into the river and cracking their heads open. I was doubtful when I looked over the edge of the railing, at the hat that was several metres below me. I can easily climb over the railing, I guess. I can also easily fall into the shallow, rocky river and break my cranium. The old lady looked so sad, so I told her I'd get her hat.

I shook off my flip flops, because I didn't want to lose them in the tall grass, and hopped over the railing. I think, to outsiders, I looked like I was... Living on the edge. That was a bad pun. Romelle would be proud of me. I spent my childhood climbing trees and falling down, so climbing over the railing wasn't that bad until I was on the other side. I was real good at falling down, but I'm not too keen on falling here.

Anyway. I stood on the other side of the railing, and started climbing downwards. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck don't fall fuck you hat fuck fuck fuck" ran through my mind. It was difficult looking for footing, and I regretted not having done more rock climbing. I was practically climbing vertically, not realizing before how steep the sides were. There were broken pieces of glass in the grass, so I had to choose where to step really carefully. I scaled down two layers of rock, and grabbed the hat. I reached up to give the hat to the lady, but I was too far below. I climbed back up with the hat and eventually got back over the railing. The lady thanked me numerous times when I handed her the hat.

Going up was a lot faster than going down. I think I just wanted to get out. I have scratches over my legs and they itch a lot. The grass was rough; it would be more accurate to call them weeds.

Looking back on it, I don't think I will risk my safety for a hat again. Ever. There were snakes in the grass. Broken glass. Infectious stuff tainting the skin on my legs. There were so many things I didn't consider before rescuing that stupid hat. At least the old lady was happy, and my cranium is intact. All is well.

Then, that night, I walked by a dad and his daughter by their motorcycle. The daughter looked like she was about four or five years old, and while waiting for her dad to load their motorcycle with groceries, wandered into the middle of the road.  I was waiting to cross the road, thinking irresponsible parents should be guillotined, when I heard the sound of an engine. I thought the kid would have common sense to come back from the middle of the street, but noooo, fuck that shit, she goes where she wants to go (kudos to her for being badass, I guess). The dad was oblivious to where his daughter is, which means he should really be guillotined, but there was no time for that. Seriously, dude. You're on the side of the road. Watch your kid.

I dashed forward and snaked an arm around her waist just as a motorcycle was about to run her over, and rugby-carried her back to the side of the road. She didn't even scream (I swear, if she wasn't so fucking dumb, she'd be so badass, and I would take her on badass adventures). I placed her down, and she just looked at me, her face framed by the giant helmet she was wearing. No apology, no thanks, no nothing. I wish I was such a composed kid. Her dad didn't even notice all this happened. I squat down and said to the kid in Chinese: "You're a little too young to die.", and felt extremely old after saying it, so I added really quickly in English: "Wait 15 more years before you try this again, you little fucker." And I went on my merry way.


Risk-my-life Tuesday. My new Tuesday catch phrase. Not that I have mottos for everyday of the week. I should though. Taco Monday. Because Tuesday is taken.

But seriously. First I save a hat. Then I save a kid. Eugh. What is happening to me.