The Blank

There is a period after crying when everything ceases to exist and any memory remaining is either fabricated or forgotten. It is as if all the sadness and anguish drain out your consciousness, letting the subconscious take over, and a dream starts and ends before you can even begin to remember it.
The dream can last a moment and forever.

It's strange, but when you're not thinking of anything, all the senses seem to grow stronger, and you become aware of the little things around you. The ticking of the clock becomes louder. The dripping tap joins the hand of the clock, an imbalanced rhythm. The wall is a dim orange, lit up by the dying light bulb, a stuck sunset. The tears that are still left on your face, too tired to be removed, pinching your cheeks as they dry.

The only thing I can't remember are my thoughts. What was I thinking of? Was I even thinking anything? I feel like my memories are just stolen from me, scooped out, leaving little dents in my train of thought. I'm left playing fill-in-the-blanks by myself.

Sometimes, when I regain my consciousness, I become scared. It's like some godly figure just pressed the pause button on my life, and when it starts playing again, I become disorientated and realise nothing and everything just happened, but I can't remember what. Only that I was staring at a wall, which was as blank as my mind.

Happy Womb Escaping Day

Liebe Pusteblume,

Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!

I found the most hilarious birthday song in German. We should've sung this to Mr. Carney!

Wie schön, dass du geboren bist,

Wir hätten dich sonst sehr vermisst,

Wie schön, dass wir beisammen sind,

Wir gratulieren dir, Geburtstagskind.

I'm real rusty now, but I think  you'd be able to understand it. 

It's a bit weird not seeing you for more than a year, but talking to you still feels the same, which is the greatest comfort. I wish I could go over there and give you a big hug, but for now, that's a bit hard. 

I miss you making fun of my dick-face shirts. I don't wear them anymore, but I would buy more just so you can make fun of them.

Tank topping around. Bussing to places. Drinking coffee. I don't really remember what we were doing, just that it was after school one day. But that's okay because at least I remember that I was with you and Serena, and that you guys make me happy. Still do, even though we're all separated.

Sometimes I forget how light you are. The next time I see you, I might send you flying away with a super flying tackle hug. 

Remember you said how family is important? Well, you guys are my family, and you'll forever be part of the extreme crew. Jason and I are kinda dysfunctional and sucky parents, but you'll be there to put us right, and I'll be there to be your rock. Don't know about Jason. He's just a cranky butt. 

I wish you an amazing year, and I hope you finish off your first year of college enjoying yourself as much as possible. I give the same advice every year, but it's genuine: Stop worrying so much. Things will work out even if you don't stress your butt out about them. Plus, you have many people to talk to for help or just to let loose. Happy 19th, my dear friend.