Alas, the term is finally over.
It was a shit term really, but it's good knowing that there are only two weeks of high school left.
Just two more weeks of year13 for the rest of my life.
Most of us are pushing for that last spurt of studying...
These cookies are really good.
Thank you, Jason!
Cookies at 3am are exactly what I need.
Anyway, yes, back to studying.
I think I've been studying harder recently, and I guess I'm pretty proud of myself for that.
There were highs and lows throughout the term, but I'd say it ended pretty sourly today. So I guess the lows won.
It's probably the worst last-day-of-term that I've ever had. A series of highs and lows and I'm fucking sick of it.
High point: Got .5 higher in this economics test than my last one.
Low point: Stupid assembly full of pointless awards.
High point: The assembly finally finished.
Low point: Found out I still don't have a grand plan like I usually have on the last day of term.
There was the flash mob thing, which I would have stayed to watch and laugh, but I couldn't stay.
Then I found out we're two down for Sunday.
After that, I found out I can't exactly join my friends for a little end of school tryst.
Lots of finding things out today.
High point: 3 hour siesta, baby!
Low point: Terrible dream. Terrible. Can't remember what it was. But terrible.
High point: Relaxed in the tub for about an hour. Just chillin'
Low point: Climbed out and remembered my day and what I still need to do.
Ever since about a month or so ago, I've been telling myself: "I need to think more positive".
I've been giving too many fucks recently, and I'm on a dangerously low supply.
So until that replenishes, I've been figuring out a way to think more positively.
When I don't exactly approve of certain things... I used to think to myself: "I gotta say something"
But it doesn't usually come out right. I'm not very good at wording things nicely.
I want to say that I'm never thinking about myself, and that I always think about the better good for my friends, but sometimes, these fucks aren't really appreciated.
I admit I either need to learn how to say things nicely, or that I should stop handing out fucks.
I'm not sure if I can really change the way I talk. I've been giving out compliments when I don't usually do lately, but it just sounds fake, and I'm not sure the recipients of the comments necessarily appreciate it.
So I come to the conclusion of handing out less fucks.
Guess Trevor makes sense. I care about my friends, hence the fucks.
But it's just so... disappointing and frustrating when they don't really give a fuck about the fucks.
And what do I get in return for giving out a good reality check?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
In fact, nothing usually comes with a side of ignorance and brief periods of silence.
So then I thought to myself, why should they give a fuck about my unnecessary fucks?
Exactly, because of the imbalance in the value of friendship.
Back to the "thinking positive" part. How do I make the best of this situation?
I've tried being nice. Being considerate. Attempt to make up for my bluntness.
"So... How's it going? Practicing tomorrow?"
"Good. We might be, but you don't have to come."
Ouch. Guess being nice backfires. Rejected. Say that while dragging out the "Re".
Reeeeeejected.
Wait! let's try the alternative: "I don't give a fuck any more, but I'll not give a fuck in a nice way!"
It went better I think.
I'll just... not talk or comment on anything.
Just... Shhh.
But you can't just smile and wave, you have to add in the occasional generic compliment.
That's great!
Have fun!
It'll be fine.
"So this and this happened and I met someone!"
Oh. Hmmm. What the f-
No. Focus on the happiness.
"Well I'm glad you had a nice day."
If you're happy, I'm happy. Hoorah!
I find that, that works better.
Sometimes people just need to hear what they want to hear.
They don't want to hear other people telling them what they should do with their free time.
I just need to nod and agree that whatever they're doing are fabulous things.
It's extremely tiring.
I'm tired. It's 4am.
Yeah, I'm out of a way to end this post nicely.
I supposed I could say the title. Yeah, I'll do that.
What I should do for my new positive policy. What I should do with everything.
Start with a smile.
