Grandparents

There is an unwritten, unspoken law in the house where I stay, and it's not necessarily something I agree with. However, the idea persists, and Grandma is always right. It seems that, I am always on the edge of starving to death, and thus food must be made or served every other hour for the pleasure of my stomach. The food is usually provided by Grandmother, who cooks as if she was Snow White feeding seven hungry men dwarves who spend their day digging in a mine. Other times, Uncle brings food home and BAM! there is enough food to feed twelve dwarves.

Okay, now substitute yours truly, with twelve dwarves.

I have a wager with Anna this summer, and that is to lose five kilograms before we start our second year of college. I'm just going to say, that I am off to a terrible start.

This is my typical day:
- wake up whenever (I think I'm half jet lagged. I wake up at 8:30am, which is waaaaaaaay too early. I say half jet lagged, because 8:30am means 5:30pm San Diego time, which makes no sense whatsoever. I usually go back to sleep for another couple of hours)
(After rereading this, I realised... I'm not jet lagged at all. My sleep cycle is actually normal wtf)
- Grandma gets very excited when I wake up, because that means she gets to start cooking. She makes me breakfast.
- we watch news on the telly while I eat breakfast

- an hour later, she makes lunch. Sometimes, WHILE I'm eating breakfast, she asks me what I want for lunch and proceeds to start making lunch. I tell her no, but my attempts are futile to those stubborn, Grandma ears.
- we eat lunch and watch more telly

- I need to run some errands while I'm back in Taiwan, so I go off and do that. Sometimes Grandma comes with me. On those occasions, Grandma will buy me food on the way. Guaranteed.

- come home. Grandma brings out snacks and demand they be eaten.
- we eat stuff while watching telly
- Grandma prepares dinner
- I play on PSP or iPad.

- we eat dinner while watching telly
- we might eat more late at night if Grandma is still awake

Grandma believes I'm always hungry. I don't think I've felt hunger in a long long long time. I was always forced to eat when I'm not hungry, and saying no to Grandma is impossible. Even if I don't go and get food, she will get it for me, whether I want it or not.

I've forgotten how to talk to old people.
It's very one sided, because they tend not to hear your side of the convo, so they continue talking about whatever they were talking about long after the topic has changed. Sometimes, they blurt out whatever is on their mind.

Uncle: Have you been to this theme park?
Me: erm. I know we went to one last year, but I'm not sure if it's the same one.
Grandma: You went to a theme park last year! With both your aunts.
Me: Yes, I know. I just don't know if it's the SAME theme park.
Grandma: You went to a theme park.
Me: Yes. I did. That wasn't the question. The question is whether I went to this particular park.
Grandma: You went to the theme park.
Me: Yeah, okay Grandma.

Hairdresser: Wow, I see that you resemble your Grandma.
Me: really? That's actually kinda upsetting.
Grandma: yeah, she looks as ugly as I do.
Me: thanks Grandma.

Grandpa: So what are you studying over there?
Me: (with my limited Chinese abilities, I barely know how to say my major) Cognitive Science.
Grandpa: what's that?
Me: it's kinda like psychology.
Grandpa: in Los Angeles?
Me: What? No. I'm studying something like psychology. In San Diego.
Grandpa: Is LA far from San Francisco?
Me: Erm. Yes. It's more than 5 hours away. But I live in San DIEGO. Not San Francisco.
Grandpa: what are you studying again?
Me: Gah.

Grandma: Are you hungry?
Me: No.
Grandma: I'll cook you fried rice.
Me: Grandma, I'm NOT hungry.
Grandma: what do you want in the fried rice?
Me: I don't WANT fried rice.
Grandma: okay. *cooks some anyway and gives it to me*
Me: thanks Grandma.
Grandma: Hmm. I'll cook some noodles too. Rice is too dry.
Me: please stahp.
- ends up with a bowl of chicken soup, a plate of fried rice, and a bowl of noodles. I swear, American portion sizes are kid meals compared to Grandma portions.

I think Anna and my Grandma have teamed up with an evil plan of some sort. I will soon become a ball of fat with only rolling as my mode of transport. My front profile will look like the top of a turtle, and I'd have to start waddling everywhere. Or rolling, whatever.

Thank fuck I'm only here for a week.