Inside her little mind

I would love to know what goes on inside her little mind, because I can't figure it out, as tiny as the mind is.

She kept asking me to help her look at stupid tablets because she wants one. By tablets, I mean iPads, Samsung Note thingies, and whatever other tablets there are. I don't know.

She really wants one, but decides to do no research whatsoever because there's "no point" because she wouldn't understand anyway.
So who does she ask? Me.

I'm almost as clueless as she is on these tablets, because frankly, I have no interest for them. So when she asks me about them, I say "I don't know", because I don't know.
Fuck, I don't know why that's so hard to understand.

We went to a counter today with the Samsung tablets and I start touching random apps and swiping the pad while she looks, and and she keeps asking me "Which one is better? How does it feel?"
Oh come on. Was I wearing a uniform with a name tag? No.
But there sure was another guy right next to you who was.
She didn't even bother touching the tablets, like they've been poisoned, just kept her arms tucked in, holding her elbows. If you want them, why don't you try them out? Is it that hard to... touch a fucking screen?
I was so pissed off and annoyed, because she's been on about this for ages, and I've agreed to follow her around to check them out with her, but she's not doing anything. I said "It feels okay." and gave her an annoyed look.

She pulled me aside and started yelling at me.
Why is your attitude so horrid?
Why can't you help out your parents? You never help us when we ask.
I bet you help your friends whenever they ask!
I'm only asking you about the tablets because YOU know better (even though I... don't) and you won't even choose for me!

Really. You want to know why I won't fucking choose for you? Because then I'd probably have to teach you how to use it, because I chose it. Which means I know how to use it. What kind of fucking logic do you retain in that fucking stupid brain of yours? Why do you always have to start a fucking fight?
My attitude? Trust me, I would do the same to my friends. It's like asking me what brand of microwaves to get. I would say, I don't know, maybe you should ask and test them out, and make the decision yourself! Voila!
I told her maybe she should, oh I don't know, try touching the fucking screen? for the umpteenth time.
And she says, "but I won't know the difference, so you choose for me."

Jesus H. Christ, who the fuck is going to be using that oh-so-desirable tablet in the future?
Why the.. oh fucking god, never mind.

Her maturity, of course, continued well throughout the day.
I switched on the wifi in the house, and then she switched it off.
So I went back upstairs to switch it on again. Easy as pie.

"Who told you you could switch on the internet?"

Oh deary me. I didn't realise I had to ask for fucking permission from a fucking child, because that's what she is reduced to, when her little mind takes over.

Always out with my friends, she says.
Never spend time with the family, she says.

I really wonder why. Spending time with "family" drives me out of my fucking mind.

And she always does this. She always blows up right before I'm due to meet up with some friends. Tomorrow, I had planned for Jason, Shengy, and Yon Chau to come over so we can bake and have fun together. Of course, she sees to it that I start the day with the worst mood possible so my friends would be disgusted by me. She thinks all my friends are just using me, and none of them cares about me as I do to them.

I don't even think she's aware that she does this all the time. Screw up my mind before I go to a party, or even just going out for dinner with other people. Sometimes she even makes me change my plans because her way is "always better".

This is why you don't have any fucking friends, mother.

A really late post

 I know I was supposed to make a video out of this.
I've added music to the videos and somewhat edited a little. That's all that I have tho.

So I thought I should put up a few pictures.

The start of our journey.

Jia Jia being a dick.

 Hung Li being very very amused by Taipei 101.

I didn't even take a photo of myself in my bear cape. How?

By far one of the cutest things ever on the planet. I fed it shrimp. I hope it doesn't die.

Having tea, like we posh people do.

Jia Jia being tipsy and creepy.

Jia Jia wasn't even tipsy here. Something must be wrong with him.

Very wrong.

I have about 4 photos of me together with you guys on the trip

We could have been here.
But dang, I guess the National History Museum would be much more interesting.

If I ever finish the video, which is unlikely, I'll upload it. Peace out.

Home is where the frustration is

I know there are only 2 months left.

But fuck it's damn fucking hard living in this fucking house.

Home is where the kids are

If I made a graph of "Time spent with infants" and "Affinity with infants", it would look a little something like this:

I become really excited that I get to hold a baby and play with him/her.
Always delighted that they seem to like me very much.

The mood of the infant I interact with generally get better as time passes too.

I was teaching her how to dance. She wasn't very good, but I assured her that she'll get better.

My mood tends to take a turn after a while tho, when I get bored.
This results in a huge disparity between how we feel by the end of our period of interaction.

My paint skills have not gotten any better since primary school, and I know it shouldn't bother me very much, but it does. I reckon I could have drawn better than what I drew up there.

Well, guess I'm heading back to good ol' Penang.
It's a little strange how excited I am to get back to that little island that I've lived in for 12 years, seeing as I've been trying to get off it for approximately the same length of time.
I have to admit, this trip back to Taiwan has disappointed me greatly.

Home is where the food is

Well that was a fast week!

The flight was terrible.

It provides good motivation to work hard and get a good paying job in the future, and travel in business class or first class all the time. The fucking chances of getting stuck beside 4 children under the age of 5 within a 2 row radius... You'd think it's pretty low, but I hit jackpot.

I wanted to go over and slap the kids. But that would be impolite and rude, so I asked my mother to do it. 

She asked them to be quiet. Which worked for about 5 minutes. The mother started yapping really loudly to her friend in the other row, and let her little girls play on her phone on the loudest volume possible.

Thank the Lord for window seats. The view really takes your mind off things. 

Things like screaming and wailing children, and inconsiderate mothers.

I bought new sunglasses when I got here. They look pretty flashy. I would put up a photo but I gots none.

The place where I bought the sunglasses had 3 cats. This is one of them. 

It's name is Fatso.

I'm joking, it's not Fatso. It's got some Chinese name which I have long forgotten. I reckon Fatso would be a pretty fitting English name though. Fatso is bigger than Klee. That's how fat it is.

I also wrote an article for my mother's cousin's old classmate.

Technically, I didn't write it. I edited it. But it was in pretty bad shape before. The English was terrible.
Ever worse than mine, so that says a lot. If you're interested in some hardcore crossbreeding of orchids, click the link below.

http://jumboorchids.blogspot.tw/2013/06/cycnodes-jumbo-puff-or-cycnodes-taiwan.html

Bleh. This was meant to go up last week. Then I lost my laptop for a few days. Never got a chance to post this up. More has happened in the past few days. I'll write about them later. If ever. 
I was meant to write more for this post too. But guess what?
No.
I'm not going to write more. Which is ironic, because as I'm writing this, I'm writing more.
Whatever. Screw you. Bye.

A Picture Is Worth About 15 Words Plus Minus 985

Thanks for everything in the past 7 years. 

And I mean. Everything.

Pants

I made myself some honey-vinegar-water concoction at 11pm, and decided I need a break from the papers I've been doing the whole day. 

So here I am!

It's finally the week of our first exams, and I'm pretty sure most of us are shitting ourselves right now, panicking, or ransacking stacks of books looking for that piece of paper you're positive you need for the exams, but can't find. 

If that's not happening to you, you're probably not giving a fuck anymore. 

Or just extremely prepared and organised, unlike me. 

I took a shower to wake myself up, and discovered something amazing.

Now, I'm not some egotistical bastard who stares at myself, marveling at how sexy I am, but today, I was positive I look just the slightest bit slimmer. Yeah, okay. I was an egotistical bastard for about 10 minutes. 

Just 10 tho.

Haaah. There's a reason for this. Some people asked whether I lost weight, and I'm pretty sure I haven't, but I haven't gone to weigh myself either. So it happened to cross my mind today, and guess it's just a psychological effect, but it really boost my morale. 

I've been thinking to myself that I should shed a few before I go back to Taiwan, because all the people in my family are skinny as fuck, and every time I go back, they comment on how fat I look.

Maybe this time, I can go back and say "Haha, suckers! Check out the power of stress!"

I was pretty happy, ending my most productive weekend yet on such a positive note.

That was until I put on pants. Then I noticed the fat around the waistband, and I thought to myself:

Fuck you, Pants.

Be careful guys.

Pants can bring morale down.

I'm now pantless. And will be until tomorrow, when I have to go to school. 

Good luck with the exams y'all.

Let's ace this together!

C'mon And Talk To Me

I was meant to post more often seeing as it IS the holidays after all.

But lately, I was faced with a crisis of writer's block.

I tried writing an English essay, and I couldn't. It's part laziness and part block.

So this post, I'm going to let the pictures talk. Credits to Hayley for most of them. I wanted to upload some of mine, but I cannot find the cable that connects the camera to the computer. The video of Thomas and Bryce singing at the World Music Festival will just have to wait. And the one of Jyen dancing on the DDR machine. And... I don't know. Tons of pictures. I have a lot of photos of Juan. They're not very good. I'm hoping Hayley will give me more pictures. 

Anyway. These are my favourites out of the ones you've given me:

Music Fest:

Inka Marka. They are pretty damn amazing. My favourite band by far.

Bear and Juan.

Unflattering photo of Jason! *high five* :DDD

Camp:

 Rudy has such a nice smile when he's not trying to be creepy. 

Hooray! Another unflattering photo of Jason! *high ten*

I'll upload more once I get my hands on them. And when I can be bothered.

Oh, and of course, I'll do a birthday post. Later. 

Start With A Smile

Alas, the term is finally over.

It was a shit term really, but it's good knowing that there are only two weeks of high school left.
Just two more weeks of year13 for the rest of my life.

Most of us are pushing for that last spurt of studying...

These cookies are really good.
Thank you, Jason!
Cookies at 3am are exactly what I need.

Anyway, yes, back to studying.
I think I've been studying harder recently, and I guess I'm pretty proud of myself for that.

There were highs and lows throughout the term, but I'd say it ended pretty sourly today. So I guess the lows won.
It's probably the worst last-day-of-term that I've ever had. A series of highs and lows and I'm fucking sick of it.

High point: Got .5 higher in this economics test than my last one.
Low point: Stupid assembly full of pointless awards.

High point: The assembly finally finished.
Low point: Found out I still don't have a grand plan like I usually have on the last day of term.
There was the flash mob thing, which I would have stayed to watch and laugh, but I couldn't stay.
Then I found out we're two down for Sunday.
After that, I found out I can't exactly join my friends for a little end of school tryst.
Lots of finding things out today.

High point: 3 hour siesta, baby!
Low point: Terrible dream. Terrible. Can't remember what it was. But terrible.

High point: Relaxed in the tub for about an hour. Just chillin'
Low point: Climbed out and remembered my day and what I still need to do.

Ever since about a month or so ago, I've been telling myself: "I need to think more positive".
I've been giving too many fucks recently, and I'm on a dangerously low supply.
So until that replenishes, I've been figuring out a way to think more positively.

When I don't exactly approve of certain things... I used to think to myself: "I gotta say something"
But it doesn't usually come out right. I'm not very good at wording things nicely.
I want to say that I'm never thinking about myself, and that I always think about the better good for my friends, but sometimes, these fucks aren't really appreciated.
I admit I either need to learn how to say things nicely, or that I should stop handing out fucks.

I'm not sure if I can really change the way I talk. I've been giving out compliments when I don't usually do lately, but it just sounds fake, and I'm not sure the recipients of the comments necessarily appreciate it.

So I come to the conclusion of handing out less fucks.
Guess Trevor makes sense. I care about my friends, hence the fucks.
But it's just so... disappointing and frustrating when they don't really give a fuck about the fucks.
And what do I get in return for giving out a good reality check?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
In fact, nothing usually comes with a side of ignorance and brief periods of silence.

So then I thought to myself, why should they give a fuck about my unnecessary fucks?
Exactly, because of the imbalance in the value of friendship.

Back to the "thinking positive" part. How do I make the best of this situation?
I've tried being nice. Being considerate. Attempt to make up for my bluntness.

"So... How's it going? Practicing tomorrow?"
"Good. We might be, but you don't have to come."


Ouch. Guess being nice backfires. Rejected. Say that while dragging out the "Re".
Reeeeeejected.

Wait! let's try the alternative: "I don't give a fuck any more, but I'll not give a fuck in a nice way!"
It went better I think.
I'll just... not talk or comment on anything.
Just... Shhh.

But you can't just smile and wave, you have to add in the occasional generic compliment.
That's great!
Have fun!
It'll be fine.


"So this and this happened and I met someone!"
Oh. Hmmm. What the f-
No. Focus on the happiness.
"Well I'm glad you had a nice day."
If you're happy, I'm happy. Hoorah!


I find that, that works better.
Sometimes people just need to hear what they want to hear.
They don't want to hear other people telling them what they should do with their free time.
I just need to nod and agree that whatever they're doing are fabulous things.

It's extremely tiring.
I'm tired. It's 4am.

Yeah, I'm out of a way to end this post nicely.

I supposed I could say the title. Yeah, I'll do that.

What I should do for my new positive policy. What I should do with everything.

Start with a smile.

New Year's, Lions and Snakes

11/02/13:

Got woken up really early to go to stepfather's company.

Massive jam because of PSY's concert, which is completely overrated.

As usual, there's lion dancing.

The colours are really nice and vibrant this year.

Last year, I think they were white and purple, which are extremely odd colours for lions.

This year, my stepfather asked them to bless me with good fortune and stuff, because of my exams and university applications. I had to feed them oranges and ang paos. 

This is them "eating" the oranges.

They took forever at the table, and left a mess of orange juice and peels on the floor.
The lions had to arrange the pieces of oranges in forms of Chinese characters, and I'm pretty impressed, because it's really hard to write them with a pen, let alone with fruit.
They gave me a scroll at the end. Wooo. My very own Chinese scroll.
They even let me take a photo with them. Awfully nice of them.

My scroll said "Dragon Horse Spirit" in Chinese.
I asked my stepdad what it means, because the Chinese always has some cryptic messages behind their lingo. But really, it just means, spirit of a dragon and a horse.
And now I've been blessed with this spirit. Yay.

It is only appropriate to invite the snake year in by visiting some snakes.
In the 12 years that I've been in Penang, this is my first time visiting the snake temple, and let my just say, it is the coolest temple ever.
I mean, there are snakes in there.
In the trees. In the temple. On the floor. In the flowerbed. Everywhere.

I decided that I want a snake too, but they don't sell them, so I had to settle with a photo of me with them.

The guy put one on my head. Psyche.

My parents wouldn't touch the snakes. More for me.

They feel really nice.

All smooth and soft and squishy.

Yay.

I also found out I have amazing effects on my camera. Like, I can take slow motion videos, have all these strange effects and stuff. And it even has this thing where it takes a photo automatically because it can sense you smiling. It's amazing!

It wouldn't work for David, but everyone else... Yay!

New Year's and Dogs

09/02/13: 

Woke up at 8am. 

Took a nap at 10am.

Mum wakes me up at 12pm and yells at me for a bit for not helping to clean around the house. We hired a maid for this. But mum is peculiar like that. She likes to work with the maid. 

She yells at me some more about my long fingernails. So I went to cut them. But Klee got a little too interested.

 

I nearly cut my skin off because his head was in my way. But that's okay because I love him.

He just likes nail clipping a lot. Like. A lot.

Then he decided to lie down on my world map. I was trying to put double-sided tape on the back so I can put it up on my wall. But no. Not today.

He's adorable and all, but I threw him off the world map.

He got huffy and went to sit under the table.

I have a map on my wall now.

Yay. 

10/2/13:

Went to grandparents' house. 

It was a sweltering day. 35 degrees Celsius. Blimey.

Usually I go to bond with people, but this year, I bonded with Kuro-chan. 

Besides, the first adult I saw, my aunt, told me I got fatter and made bloating motions with her hands around her waist.

I told her she's just jealous I have boobs and she doesn't, making gestures telling her I have tits and she doesn't.

Things were a little awkward at dinner.

After dinner,

I sat with Kuro-chan for about an hour, talking to him and telling him what a good boy he is even though he didn't really do anything interesting.

He's just a 2 year old puppy.

I have somehow inherited horrible naming skills from my stepfather, so his name is just "black" in Japanese. But in my defense, I think it really suits him.

The tip of his tongue is black too. I'm not too sure why though.

I think he's like, my super best friend now. He really likes me. He starts whining and jumping around when I try to leave. No one ever wanted so much attention from me before. Especially during new years.  

He's also really smart. He learnt 3 tricks in about 10 minutes. I call that an achievement.

He's also really cute. He kinda reminds me of Milo. I'll ask Hayley if she thinks so one day.

Speaking of friends, I got 2 new years wishes this year. Yay.

My uncle caught this animal they call the "fruit cat" in Chinese, but I have absolutely no idea what it is in English. I bonded with it too.

I named it "Cat".

Because I can.

Yay.

Okay, I'm tired now. 

Oh hey, Valentine's Day's coming up. 

Yay.