Distortion

There are two classes of year four children. They are due for a routine medical checkup conducted in the school every year, and that included an injection. The nurse performing the procedure told the first class that the injection wouldn't hurt one bit. Well, she lied. It was a domino effect; the kids started crying one after the other, due to the pain of the injection as well as the fear induced into their minds when they watched the others cry.

The second class was a different story. The nurse told them that the injection would be like a small ant bite, but the pain would disappear almost immediately. No one cried in that class after the medical was over. The teacher asked the children of the second class: "Wow, none of you cried? Wasn't the injection painful?"

A little girl replied: "Crying wouldn't make it hurt any less."

Both the lies and the truths hurt. In this case, the lie seems to hurt more, because when the truth was uncovered, tears fell. When confronted with the truth from the very beginning, one can at least prepare for the pain that was to come. But look harder. Both the lie and the truth hurt equally, and crying wouldn't make it hurt any less.

I’m not going to deny anything. I love lying. It’s a defense mechanism. I can hide behind that wall, and cartwheel and dance all I want behind it. Do you ever feel that sense of rage when you realize that you've been lied to? Or when you've been deliberately mislead? I certainly know it. It’s hypocritical of me to say it, but I hate being lied to. But at least I understand why. There is always a reason why.

You don’t tell that one friend that she is fat. Firstly, because it’s not nice. Secondly, although it’s the truth, you don’t want to hurt her. Unless, of course, you’re just joking, but even then don’t joke about fatness with fat people. It’s like pouring gasoline on something that’s already on fire. I’m going off topic, sorry. But really, don't compare that one fluffy friend to a bear preparing for hibernation.

And you know, I’m usually pretty good at handling these kinds of things, but lately I feel like I’ve been losing my touch. There are a lot of things that can’t be lied about, but it can at least be expressed in a different way. Usually, if I had something negative to say, I would just express disinterest, hoping the conversation would just move on. For example:

“Do you like this song?”
“Wow, if this song had a face, it would be the ugliest face I have ever seen.”

Is what I would like to say, but I would maintain the peace by saying:

“It’s alright.” Or “Hey, I’m hungry, let’s go eat.”

No harm done. The wall is set, and I can think what I like behind it without hurting anyone’s opinions or feelings. Sometimes it’s hard to maintain this wall. There are too many bricks in it, and if I forget, the brick falls and the wall crumbles. But if I protect that wall, no one gets hurt.

I'm not saying it's necessary to lie all the time. Just on sensitive subjects. 

Like I’ve said, I’ve gotten pretty bad at handling these lies. You want the truth? Okay, I guess a little dose of reality wouldn’t hurt you that much… Tears. Sadness. Bitterness. No, I was wrong. Suddenly honesty isn’t the best virtue anymore. Wait, is that how the saying goes? Wisdom is the best virtue? I can’t remember, whatever. Suddenly, telling the truth is a fully loaded gun, whereas telling a lie is a game of Russian roulette. I should’ve just lied instead of dealing with you dealing with the truth. Why do you want the truth so badly when I could so easily protect you from that? There is a reason to why I lie. To why anyone lies.

That reason, ironically enough, is not wanting to cause pain. If the lie is not protected, it would create the sharpest shrapnel of glass in the heart.

It’s an art. Lying is an art. To perfectly disguise it as the truth, and to maintain that disguise for as long as necessary. The fabrications also have to be believable, and it's the whole game not to reveal what's under the layers of deceit.

So I’m sorry. I apologize for not being the most trustworthy person when you want me to be the one to rely on. I’m sorry for not always saying all the right things when I drop my guard. All I ask is for you to trust me on your own terms. Because lying is an art, and I'm going to try my damnedest to perfect that trade.

But who knows, I could be lying about all this.